"In Shallow Seas We Sail"
And now I’ve never been truly happier, I’m almost two years clean from my last relapse, completely sober living. Have four jobs. Working on being a high school youth group leader at church, quote possibly becoming a leader “councillor” for the drug and alcohol classes at church, I don’t even recall the last time i was seriously depressed or even wanting to cut my skin or to try and Jul myself again.
There’s seriously no explanation for this change, for my happiness even being in the same exact ” exact ” rut ive been in for years, there is nothing on this earth that can explain how all this has happened to me “change” except Jesus Christ. You may think oh that is stupid, you’ve changed because you wanted to, you got these jobs because you know people. Your not depressed because you have stuff going for you now.
But seriously, explain how i get three jobs within weeks of each other when no one can find jobs out here? How is it that for as long as i can remember I’ve wanted to die and countless attempts at my life that i no longer feel that way and I’ve never taken one counseling class no prescriptions? How is it that i no longer desire drugs after being an addict for over 7 years? How is it i no longer crave cutting? How is it that I’ve become a here father to my son? There’s so may questions that cannot be answered by something other then the holy spirit!
How is it that all if these things listed and so many more can just pass from my life without any desire to turn back to them? And how is it that a tatted up, pierced up, drop out, horrible legal background, person like me can get multiple jobs when i know people who graduated four years of college and work in fast food restaurants? I can go on and on,
The main thing that sticks out to me the most is that all this stuff happened to me seriously happened to me when i submitted my self to God!
Nothing and no situations in my life have changed, I’m still in live with someone who so clearly doesn’t even care about me anymore, I’m still divorced, i still hardly see my only child, i still have a destroyed heart from all the drugs and failed suicide attempts with overdose, I still have no money (in debt actually), my car still isn’t registered. My family still doesn’t trust me and thinks I’m all doing drugs secretly and partying, i still have insomnia and only gotten worse, I cam feel my body getting
Weaker and weaker every single day from the damage that has been done by my hands, the list goes on.
So nothing had change in am early aspect but I’m happy, i actually enjoi waking up every day, i actually care about people, i love helping people, exc. But what has happened is i have Jesus living in me working in me every day, he is the answer to my life, he is the answer to my “change” he’s the exploitation for the unanswered, the unexplainable, it truly is supernatural what is going on in me and my life.
I really don’t know where I’m going with this other then to just share my sTory a little and to share how great God can be and truly is if you submit to him!
You may think that your life is bad and that things will never change or how can you go on like this and I just want you to know that things won’t get easier, life won’t just change no matter what you do, there is nothing early that you can seek after that can help you long term out at all for the matter.
God is the only answer to your problems.
Just pic up a bible and read, listen to what god is telling you, listen to your heart and that tug you feel on yourself every single day telling you no don’t do that or that guilt thats weighing heavy on your heart today, that isn’t anything else other than the creator telling you your doing wrong and that he loves you and wants to be apart of you’re life.
I know alot of you will hate me for this post and that’s find just know that i don’t hate you and neither does the living God Yahweh. And that no matter who you are, no matter what you do it is never to late and you are never to far gone to be forgiven and saved, it is never to late to experience gods unending love.
Please be safe, and please message me if you have questions or need prayer, anon or not please if you need someone to pray for you or loved ones don’t hesitate to ask